


Time Heal Wounds

by shouyoto



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Established Relationship, M/M, Not Beta Read, Somewhat a happy ending? Depends on how you guys depict it., Tags Contain Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 13:05:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7685683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shouyoto/pseuds/shouyoto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's quite strange, he thinks. It's strange how now that even if Hinata Shoyo is gone, his presence continues to linger everywhere. It's strange because he swears he hears that one infamous phrase, <i>"Toss to me!"</i> from behind and it sounds so,<i> so</i> close.</p><p>So, he tries not to break down when he feels his chest dropping at the sight of something else instead of it being <i>him</i> as it should be; he tries not to break down when Tobio realizes that it's no longer possible for him to be met by that one particular blinding smile and a pair of eyes crinkling at him in excitement ever again.</p><p>He wants to go back in time; back to the time where things are as the way it's supposed to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time Heal Wounds

Practice is fine.

It's mostly fine, standing within the boundaries of _doing well_ and _doing bad,_  as it hovers along the edges of the line that marks mediocrity. It's not a great sign. If anything, _it's bad_ because he's reached the peak of his performance and declined during the practiceー much more badly affected than he'd like to admit.

He skids to a halt, waiting for the last sharp serve of the day he's done to land against the other side of the court. He must have hit it harder than he has intended though, because it isn't long until others pause on what they are doing to stare at him in question. He stops, his brain short-circuits for a split second once he comes to a realization that he has miscalculated his angle and nearly smacks one of his team members in the face when his serve has rebounded.

He feels his fingers twitching by the side, irked by his own mistake because how could heー  _a proclaimed prodigy in volleyballー_  let that slip out of his hands? There's an apology on the tip of his tongue, ready to be said, but as soon as he opens his mouth, his voice chooses to betray him when no words came out but instead it's a muffled sound that gets caught up in his throat.

At loss, Tobio briskly walks past against them in the decision of retrieving his bags that lies await in the clubroom. He feels the many gazes piercing at the broad of his back as he heads out of the gym, he doesn't doubt that nor his instincts the slightest, not after the incident back there, but right now, he couldn't exactly bring himself to care.

 

The walk back home is strangely deafening to his ears. Even as drops of rain heavily pounds against the shield of his umbrella, Tobio finds it a tad bit too quiet for his taste. _Quiet_ , not in the sense of peace and resonating ambiance but the kind that makes you shift in discomfort and think. Perhaps it's due to the lack of words nowadays that often would prompt a usual competition back home, or perhaps, it could also be the absence of a certain voiceー _the one that has always called out to him_ ー that he only starts thinking that he's getting used to it.

His gaze is stuck and plated onto the ground beneath him, paying no mind to the direction his feet is taking him to but he doesn't bother. Tobio keeps on trudging his way down a road, drowning out the sounds of rain and tunes into one of his own mind which remains a complete void of any thoughts but silence and numbness.

Peculiarly enough, although he thinks of nothing along the way, somehow he manages to rope himself in being lost in his thoughts again because _he swears_ , it isn't long ago when he recently leaves the school gates until he sees that he's standing in front of a convenience store. The convenience store is a familiar one; one where their coach is working at and it's the place they used to often come by along the way home.

He's not sure what comes after that but he remembered deciding to buy himself some meat buns from the shop. His memory the whole time is a blur and when his gaze flickers down to the things he buys in his hands, only then does he realize that he has accidentally bought two meat buns instead of one.

Tobio reasons that it's because he didn't pay any attention and purely not out of habit.

* * *

It happens again in the middle of practice, the moment when he tosses up a ball.

A blur of orange comes by the corner of his eyes and Tobio once again find himself holding in his breath. He's quick to turn to his side, the ball forgotten, as hope begins to swirl underneath the pad of his chest in expectant of _something_ , and though the sentiment lives by the edge of a silver lining, it manages to rises up fast. And _maybe_ , he thinks to himself, just maybe if he manages to delude himself enough and constantly denies the truth of reality, then he'd be back and this is all simply a dream.

It's quite strange, he thinks. It's strange how now that even if Hinata Shoyo is gone, his presence continues to linger everywhere. It's strange because he swears he hears that one infamous phrase, _"Toss to me!"_ from behind and it sounds so, so close.

So, he tries not to break down when he feels his chest drop at the sight of something else instead of it being _him_ ; he tries not to break down when he realizes that it is no longer possible for him to be met by that one particular blinding smile and a pair of eyes crinkling at him in excitement ever again.

He wants to go back in time; back to the time where things are as they should be.

"Kageyama?" The mention of his name manages to pull him back into reality. He whips his head back to the side quickly, eyes trailing from where the ball lands to the creases knitted of concern shown on the forehead of his team captain, Daichi, who stares down at him. "Do you want to take a break?" The captain questions him, his posture tense and stiff.

"No." Tobio replies yet the nod he gives contradicts what he says. Daichi only continues to stare at him in confusion, but he sighs, an _'okay'_ being mouthed at him in return before he leaves to continue the practice.

Tobio throws a glance over his shoulders for one last time, a scene replaying at the back of his mind as he notes down the spot earlier. He tears his gaze away soon enough. _Nationals are coming up,_ he scolds himself, _there's no time to dwindle around anymore_. Then he blinks a few times to regain his focus and keep himself in check.

_( It's definitely not the tears he's been trying to blink back. It's not because of the stinging behind his eyes either. )_

* * *

It's a bit later on when Tobio has been invited to the intensive training camp for youths.

He should feel elated upon hearing this, but that's the problem. _He isn't._ At first, he does vibrate slightly at the news, but when he turns to rub it into a particular someone's face, it hits him like a brick that he won't be able to do that. Not only because he realizes that it would be a feat to be done ( given that a little someone is now _dead_ ) but it just kind of dawns onto him, now that he's no longer here, Hinata won't be there to hear news from them anymore nor know how well they are doingー and the last news he might have ever heard about them would be the fact that they are going to the nationals. Together.

_( And the last news they would ever hear about him is his passing. )_

A blank stare is set on the meal before him. It tastes bland, but truth to be told, everything somehow tastes bland for him now. Even his favorite drink of milk isn't doing him any justice. He still eats though, despite how he feels full every time with a thought in mind that he should replenish some of his energy for the sake of practice later on.

"He's short but he sure _can_ jump." He hears the person ( Broccoli #2 as he calls him ) beside him commenting, and he couldn't help but freeze up because the phrase somehow sounds too familiar to his ears. "Hey, I think he has the same vertical jump as that middle blocker from your team?"

His gaze flickers to where the other points at, and he notices that it's the boy from before. The boy who was reminding Tobio a bit too much of _him._ He pauses on his eating, eyes scrutinizing every single description that detailed the other boy's appearance.

This boy, _Hoshiumi if_ he could recall his name correctly, undoubtedly stands at a shorter height than his own. He remembers the time he gets blocked by him, a look surprise evident on his face as he is taken aback by the agility of the shorter male. But that's just it, he thinks. That's all they do share in resemblance; their element of giving surprises. "No," He says, mustering some confidence in the projection of his tone even when he feel himself tremble slightly.

"Our guy jumped even _higher_ than him." He continues. No. _Not jumped_ , he corrects himself.

 _ **Hinata has soared.**_   

Tobio then proceeds to slump against the dip of his chair and sips more from his bland flavored milk.

* * *

They lose during the semi-finals that has taken place at the nationals.

The impact put on the team is devastating. _It's not fair,_ he crinkles his brows, it's not fair that when the team is already in a progress of recovering, they have to go back to square one when their defeat once again lies beneath the soles of the victors' as they are forced to watch them cry out in triumph and victory. Their team has trained so hard to reach this farー they've put every ounce of their energy to overcome the obstacles, and the third years has also sacrificed a big part of their time to ensure their claim on victoryー and yet, _they still lose in the end._

He watches as the third years share their loss together by linking their arms around one another with streams of tears down their faces. The others give their share of few tears and sorrow as well, and while the idea seems to be limited to Tsukishima as he does not cry, it isn't hard to read the expression on the latter's face and guess how upset he is.

On the other hand, Tobio simply watches. He feels nothing nor a shred of sympathy as he watches his teammates cry. If anything, he feels _emptier_ than before but he couldn't bring himself to shed some tears either. He couldn't bring himself to mourn over their loss in something that means absolutely everything to him or offer a piece of his heart to join in the tangling limbs of solace and comfort.

Something must be wrong with him.

For him to slowly lose the fire kindling in a sports he loves so much, and to think that everyday now becomes something that's incredibly more mundane than ever for him, he now knows that something is wrong. What went wrong though?

_( Maybe it's the weather. Maybe he has done something to upset him unconsciously._

_Maybe it's because Hinata Shoyo has left him for good._ )

He doesn't dare to voice it though, and keeps it to himself instead. _He can live with it,_ he tells himself. If he could endure the time when he faces the betrayal of his former teammates, then he believes that he can get through this, he believes that everything would be fine, _everything is going to be fine_ but thenー

It is meant to be a simple observation. One by the means of analyzing where they have went wrong and make a remark in order to improve their skills. It's one of the reasons why they decide to record every practice session they hold in the first place. He isn't sure how he ends up being here, it starts with a single video, one that's been recent, and then the next thing he knows, he starts watching a marathon of the old videos, one after another.

_'Kageyama! Say peace!'_

A smile is showcased on the light of his phone and it looks so bright, _too bright,_ that Tobio has to squint. He takes in every detail of the person that's doing a peace sign at the camera; he takes note of the way how his orange hair is splayed, how his shirt clings onto his skin due to sweat, and how his entire facial features presses together in excitement and exhaustion.

_'Focus on practicing, dumbass!'_

_'Eh, so grumpy!'_

When he hears his own voice from the video, there's a chuckle that almost tears out of his throat as he watches himself lunging at the redhead in an attempt of grabbing his hair while the latter dodges with a burst of laughter.

Then somehow, Tobio ends up playing the same scene over and over again as he lies down on his mattress.

The familiar sound of laughter rings in the air from his phone, and suddenly, Tobio feels like everything is right for the first time. In that moment, the scene feels too surreal-- and there's a feeling of warmth that washes over him, like waves of daylight and clouds of a daydream mingle together that makes him _reminisce_ the memory. He pauses on the scene quickly, a sense of nostalgia creeping in as he begins to trace down the laughing expression of the decoy he once befriended from the screen. He laughs quietly to himself, and that's when the memories come to him and everything clashes all at once.

Suddenly, he is remembering too much. He remembers _Hinata_ being the first to ever spike his quick toss. _Hinata_ as the first one to believe in him. _Hinata_ as the first one to ever stand up to him and stand by his side at the same time. **Hinata** telling him that as long as he was here, _he's invincible._ He remembers everything, from the way the boy curls up his lips in a smile, his contagious laughter, and his habit of nervous fidgeting before the start of their match, or the crumbles of food on his face after he eats following by a scold from Tobio.

He remembers the _soft touches_ and _caresses_ that are shared after their loss to Aoba Jousai. He also remembers the intense argument they have carried out over the complication of their new quick.

 _It's too much,_ he thinks to himself as he throws an arm over his face, and the flood of emotions that he's been trying to keep at bay has finally burst open at the seams when there's a single tear that falls from an eye.

ー ... Tobio believes that everything would be fine. Until one day, it isn't.

_"As long as I'm here,"_

But Hinata's no longer here.

_"You're invincible."_

And he's not invincible anymore.

* * *

He's nearing to the second year in high school when Hinata's mother gives him a call for him to come over. Of course, he complies since it _is_ Hinata's mother and it piques his curiosity at the thought of why his mother would like him to stop by. One thing to be made for certain though, he doesn't expect this to happen when he turns up.

"You're going to give them away?" Tobio asks the woman with a hint of disbelief in his tone.

"Yes. We plan to give them away as a donation to the kids in an orphanage," She replies softly, biting on the bottom of her lips. "But I thought that you'd like to look through his stuff before we give them away."

It's inevitable, he presumes, he could understand a bit of why she would like to give them away. After all, when a person is gone for ever and more, then who would be responsible for the things they leave behind? Or would they simply let their things be? He poses no argument in the end but shoots at her a reluctant nod instead.

He is led to Hinata's room sometime later on. The door slides open, and Tobio is mildly surprised to notice that the room is almost as exactly as it did the last time he comes here. Pictures and posters are still stamped over the walls, there are a few books piling up by his desk, and there's a volleyball sitting on chair. Tobio heaves in a deep intake of breath before entering the room.

The first thing that Tobio approaches is the wardrobe. He creaks it open, and the initial thought that comes into mind is simply how small the shirts are. With a shaky hand, he reaches to pull out one of the attires he recognizes all too well, the colors meshing of black and orange. It isn't hard to miss, not when majority of the clothes in Hinata's wardrobe, as Tobio realizes, are bright colored. _Bright, just like how he is._

 _ **10**_. He stares down at the printed number on the shirt for a longer time than intended. He lightly skims a finger over the fabric, his eyes softening at the memory of Hinata wearing this number. His grip then suddenly tightens when he remembers that Hinata can no longer wear this shirt because well, _he's gone now_ , he won't see him in this shirt anymore, except for the pictures, memories and dreams.

"Do you want to keep it?"

He snaps up his head to look at Hinata's mother by the doorway. With the only light spilling in from the windows, he can see how tired she looks. The bags around her eyes makes him guess that she hasn't taken an ounce of sleep and Tobio is hit by  _guilt_. That's fine though. He shouldn't judge. He isn't able to sleep properly neither for sometime now either as he always ends up having an hour worth of sleep and wake up all groggy the next day.

"Uh. Yes. I'd... like to... keep this." He mutters under his breath, his chin dropping as the tip of his ears slightly begin to grow red.

"Tobio." At the sound of his first name being used, Tobio blinks. He slowly lifts up his chin to meet the soft gaze of the woman's eyes. "Even if he won't admit it, he was proud to have you as a friend... He always went on about you."

He averts his gaze, his grip on the shirt tightening some more. He tries to make sense of what Shoyo's mom has said, thinks that it must be a _lie_  somehow because honestly, who'd be proud to have him as a friend? Let alone, have someone talk about him without any negative implications?

Tobio nearly scoffs but he holds his tongue. It's only then he sees a picture frame nearby perching on a nightstand, and urged on by his curiosity, he goes to pick it up. He recognizes the picture; it's the picture taken the time after they win against Shiratorizawa. Their expressions has shown that they are clearly overwhelmed by the news of their victory, with arms linking together tightly and a stupid grin on their face, it makes the medals worn around their neck seem even bigger as they showed off their rewards for working hard within a snap of picture.

And of course, he too remembers the details which has ensued on that day; the little things he recalls like the secretly taken pecks followed by a blush dusting the redhead's cheeks that reminds him of a raspberry.

The words of Hinata's mother since then refuses to leave his mind like a plague after that.

In the end, Tobio takes a few of Hinata's things back home with him: his volleyball, his book where he copies his notes from Yachi, Hinata's volleyball shirt with a _10_ on the back, and lastly, the picture that's been taken of them.

...

( _His second year has already started, but things just don't feel the same anymore. Although everything around him seem to be colorful and remains the same, he finds everything dull and completely differentーalmost like how food and milk tastes to him now._

_There are so many differences notable enough for him to state and among them are:_

_1) There's no more daily competition,_

_2) He doesn't walk with anyone to school or back home._

_3) He has no one to call a 'dumbass' anymore._

_4) There are no more lousy insults to be thrown around here and there._

_And 5) Hinata Shoyo is not there to pick up the pieces he leaves behind._

_Tobio sees him everywhere he goes. Now he understands the phrase when he should enjoy the little things in life; he doesn't get the chance to cherish the small moments and now, he's missing the little things they have done, like how sometimes Hinata would link their fingers together and swing their hands around, or maybe the few times when they just sit next to each other without having to say anything, content with the peaceful silence between them._

_It takes time for him to realize but they are compatible outside of the court just as much as they are on it, and it brought the meaning of how they could take on the world together to a whole new other level. But there's one problem though._

They can no longer fulfill their promise of staying on top of the world together. )

...

Whoever says that time heal all wounds are wrong.

It's been a year since Hinata has passed away. It's been a year since Tobio has to deal with the aftermath alone by himself; his emotions often leading him to _cripple_ due to his undeniably terrible coping skills. It has also been a year since he tries to move on without such luck, and yes, truthfully, he's _still_ in the process of recovering.

Tobio believes that he's beginning to learn a lesson in life. He now knows that although time might play a major part in a recovery, the process of healing would be incredibly slow if no effort is made to move on. So, he keeps pushing himself once he looks past through that point, he works to move on from the past and from the looks of it so far, he could say that he's getting there. Not there fully, but he's still getting by.

It's a year later when Tobio starts to see a few colors again, and his interest in volleyball rekindling to life. Tobio is sure though, he's sure that this wound of his would never be completely healed. Although he admittedly feels better in comparison to months ago, there still remains a slight trace of an ache that's swelling under his chest but it's not as worse as the last time when he thinks that he might as well die.

_( He's recovering but even so, there are still days when he'd find himself having a mild breakdown. Soon enough, Tobio accepts the facts that yes, he is indeed mourning over Hinata, that he misses him, and that he too might be a little in love with him. A little. Just a little. )_

But it takes him a few years later after the tragic event when Tobio stands on a court again, a small smile on his face and a printed number of **_10_**   on the back of his shirt.

 

_His wings may be clipped now, but for Hinata, he'd soar._

**Author's Note:**

> hello i wrote this while im basically sick so exCUSE ME IF I WROTE SOMETHING THATS IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND OOPS


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